Late night

Why do I torture myself the way I do? I'm sleepy. My eyes hurt because they want to close and the lights of the computer screen and my lamp are too bright. I know I need to get up early so I can study. Instead of sleeping, I'm sitting in bed awake at 1:00 am. I know I should try to sleep. But honestly, I don't think I would be able to if I tried. I spend too many nights tossing around in my bed because I can't sleep. I guess it's because I have a lot on my mind. For the most part, it's one person. Travis. I miss him so much. It's easier to convince myself that I'm tough during the day, when I'm around people. But at night, when I'm alone, I can't help but feel weak. Every day I try my best to put on a brave face. I try to be tough. Sometimes I really am. I act like I'm not scared. But I am. What makes it even harder is that none of my friends understand what I'm going through. But most of all, it's the fact that my very best friend, the one I can tell anything and everything to, is the one person I can't tell how I'm truly feeling. I don't want him to have to worry about me. He has much more important things to worry about. He needs me to be strong for him. I'm doing my best, but I will keep pushing myself. I won't complain. I can do this. I will do this. I am strong. Because really, what other choice do I have? I am in love with a soldier.